remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
