the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
