TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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