mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
