Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
