I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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