On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
