Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
