you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
