She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
