So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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