so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
