Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im holly from the hills drunk
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.