im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.