I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window