She is in my trunk
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
