Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.