How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?