He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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