I wish i was in the wii world.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.