i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drunk is not a location!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....