guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
