What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
