Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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