I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
