So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
