is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
