Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
