Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
