well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
