She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
