If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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