Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like abortions should bother me more
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize