I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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