i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
