A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
