Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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