He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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