I wish my penis had an off switch
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
