is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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