I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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