my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
