Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
