I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
