brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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