literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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