are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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