Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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