I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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