I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
