we made out on top of his cat.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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