Pants 0. Shit 1.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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