i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just cropdusted the office
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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