so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
