My underwear smells like fireworks.
I understand Curling. That high.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
