At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Panties = found
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize