not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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