So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
