I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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