omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
