I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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