Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
