Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
