i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I supernannyed him into submission
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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